Hurt

I don't typically go into all of my emotions/things that I am feeling on here (except for excitement because, well, I stink at hiding it! :) ), but this morning I am. I'm angry. Furious. Livid. I have been at my job for the past four years. Granted sometimes (or a lot of the times depending on the day of the week) I can't stand my co-workers. I think its much like a family. Sometimes you get along and other times you want to pull each other's hair out. 

I never thought that someone would stoop so low, just to make sure that they didn't get in trouble for something they did. Something went missing at work. Its a piece of paper, really, but its one that multiple departments need in order to close for the month. I gave it to another department and then we never saw it again. There was the "we never got it" and the "I gave it to you already" back and forth going on. 

I finally went to my boss to explain what happened because I really needed that paper in order to close the books for the month. It was decided that if it didn't show up in a couple of days that she would go through everybody's desk to hunt for it herself.  I probably searched my desk, random filing drawers, the stack of papers where it should have been, and any place else I thought I could have put it a dozen times or so.  I searched literally every day. It was not there. I checked Monday. Nothing. I checked yesterday afternoon and guess what showed up with my stuff?? 

Yeah.

To say I am upset, that I feel betrayed by people, who are supposed to be friends of a sort, is an understatement. It would be one thing if it was just found, but to hide it in with my stuff (I know it wasn't there prior to today because I even had someone else double/triple/quadruple check it) is just beyond wrong. To top it all off, since I had found it, guess who got to let the boss know? I explained everything to her and the co-worker I sit by (who saw me checking every day) came to my defense and confirmed everything I told my boss. That was sweet and meant a lot to me. 

My boss said that she knew something like this would happen and the sad thing is, so did I. I told my co-worker that my biggest fear/concern was that it would just "magically" show up in my stuff and that's exactly what happened. I don't like it when people do things that question my integrity (I mean, really, who does?). I have been fighting tears all day (I cry when I get really mad). I don't to talk to them. I don't even want to look at them. 

I know I am called to forgive.  If I had my way I would harbor this hurt and stay angry with them (I am really bad about grudges, even though I try not to be). Naturally, forgiving is far easier said than done, but I am going to give it my best shot and cling to Him and His word even though my heart and my feelings are bruised.

Here are just a couple of the verses that I am looking at right now:


Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Leviticus 19:18

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.